PERFECT
Perfect. Is that how you would describe your looks? The chances are you couldn't bring yourself to - modesty wouldn't permit it for a start, and what about all those imperfections (spots, blemishes, lumps and bumps) that we're programmed to look out for? The ones we constantly examine ourselves for when we look in the mirror?
When we see our reflections most of us have at least a nagging doubt that we're too fat or too thin, too tall or too short, our hair's too frizzy or our proportions aren't right - our bum's too big and our boobs are too small, or our tummy sticks out but we have no bum. Believe it or not, most young women have ideas like this about themselves, even the really beautiful, popular ones. My personal obsession, along with lots of other women, is thinking that I'm too fat. I've thought this ever since I was at junior school but it's helped me to discover that there are other people who feel the same or that they have different obsessions. I was amazed when I found out that one friend
thinks she's too thin (it's possible to be too thin?!) and that another friend is really proud of her big boobs.
In this collection teenagers get a chance to talk back about what's important to them about their looks. Some take a light-hearted look at problems like spots or questions of fashion. Others say what it's like when the going gets tough and describe life with eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, or times when they feel they have to cut themselves.
Growing into a woman, developing breasts and choosing whether to wear feminine clothes is another subject close to many girls' hearts. Not all young women look or feel feminine, but some are desperate to look as feminine as possible, to prove themselves as women and to be attractive to boys. Others just want to be themselves and do the things they enjoy, like participating in sports, regardless of their image.
Lots of young women find out how their image comes across to other people while they're at school. If you've been called names at school - fatty; drainpipe, speccy, ginger - you might feel there's all the more reason to think that you don't look right. Name-calling and bullying can contribute to self-doubt; in Emma's piece she describes how it got so bad that she developed agoraphobia.
As a teenager what you wear may be one of the few ways in which you can really make a statement about who you you are in the world. A number of the contributors have looked at ways of expressing individuality - clothes, piercings, tattoos or hair styles. Making a stand against designer clothes, or choosing to wear or adapt the traditional clothes of their culture, or wearing clothes that
express rebellion - all are statements to the world about who these teenagers are on the inside. Sarah points out that not only does she want to be able to express her individuality through her clothes, she also wants others to accept her for the image that she projects through these clothes. For others it is more important to fit in, to be fashionable, to keep up with the Joneses. One thing you can be sure of though is that everyone wants to be accepted.
I asked some of the contributors to describe what the perfect woman would look like. Many pointed out that the most attractive feature a person can have is self-confidence. Here are some of their words: 'a perfect-looking woman is one who is... full of confidence, and laughter, and elegance, and a radiance that comes from within', 'who looks truly happy', 'confident-looking', 'one who looks like she is happy with herself. . . and who knows that looking good is more a matter of attitude than looks'.
Ade, one of the contributors to this book, was lucky to have her auntie Yinka around when she was growing up. 'She always told me... how beautiful and intelligent [I was], and what you hear determines how you think. She just made me feel good about myself from an early age and that has been with me and will be for the rest of my life:
So self-esteem is an important part of self-image; if you feel confident you'll look in the mirror and be pleased with what you see, you'll walk with your head held high and with a smile in your step.You'll have a look in your eye and a mantra in your mind that says, like the T-shirt in Wessen's piece, 'I look so good I could eat myself'.
On the other hand, if you don't feel confident you might be a Jennifer Anniston look-alike but still no great
shakes in your own eyes because your boobs are too big or your hips too narrow And what about the girl that everyone agrees looks great? Do you think she's never affected by jealousy from other girls who envy her? She might have a Kate Moss figure, but there's bound to be something about her appearance that she doesn't like. She might think she's too thin or too fat; she might even have anorexia nervosa. Gaining self-confidence can be easier said than done, so if you're struggling with it, don't give up. Remember that we're all in the same boat.
I've got a friend called Saskia who used to be a top model in The Netherlands. Until a couple of years ago she regularly modelled clothes in glossy magazines. She's tall, slim, blonde and has the most amazing cheek bones. She told me that the absolute essentials for a perfect model are good bone structure, clear skin and height - the perfect height for the catwalk and magazines is 5 foot 10.5. And of course, a model must be thin. In fact there's a scale of thinness for different types of modelling: catalogues want gixls who are thin, not skinny; magazines only use the very skinny; fashion shows even skinnier; and for haute couture the model should be almost falling apart. She told me that most models would be delighted if 'the perfect shape' was a little beigger, because there are really not that many full-grown women who are naturally that skinny!
Over the last few years the model image has become even thinner. About fifteen years ago, the average model was rounder and wholesome looking, with a pout, a big smile, and curves. Some models even stuffed socks or silicon bags in their bras to give themselves boobs. Nowadays, the flat chest is in.
Like most models, Saskia had to deal with a lot of pressure to maintain her very slim figure. At one fashion show casting she was told she had a problem with her hips, implying that her bottom was too big. She stormed out shouting, 'No I don't! You have a problem with my hips. And please don't make it mine!' She proudly walked away, but still couldn't resist the temptation to jump on the scales as soon as she got home.
So, even 'the perfect people' aren't perfect. Not according to other people's judgements anyway.
Or you could say that everyone's perfect, just different. Isn't it amazing that no two faces, of all the billions of faces in the world, are the same? Think about it - every single face is different, and every body is different too. So who's to say who is good-looking, beautiful, the right shape and size or perfect? You decide.
Helen Hines